It can be a lonely road to travel, even when people are constantly around you.
It is hard for others to understand how I feel, and hard for me to know how I should feel.
Guilt seems to be the over-riding emotion – guilt tinges everything I did and am doing.
I wonder if I did the best I could – I can pinpoint instances that I maybe didn't do right.
I wonder if people are looking down on me or thinking I am cold because I am not 'broken'.
Yes, I have suffered the loss of both parents in an incredibly short space of time -
Should I be in a heap on the floor, inconsolable, in bits?
Should I be the strong person that I appear to be – nonetheless, wanting to repeat myself constantly?
Should I just repeat myself even though I know I am doing it? And should I keep apologising for it?
There seems to be no guidelines for bereavement – we are expected to deal with it 'the best way for ourselves'.
Am I supposed to be comforted by 'at least they are together' comments?