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About Deviant Carol FrancisFemale/Spain Group :iconphoto-manipink: Photo-ManiPink
Blow up the pink !
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Deviant for 6 Years
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Statistics 554 Deviations 8,940 Comments 38,008 Pageviews

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Our Little Secret by SpyderGenie

Ok.... I am going to try to write my first ever critique here :fingerscrossed: Firstly, I love your choice of stock - it all goes together very well. ...



It can be a lonely road to travel, even when people are constantly around you.

It is hard for others to understand how I feel, and hard for me to know how I should feel.

Guilt seems to be the over-riding emotion – guilt tinges everything I did and am doing.

I wonder if I did the best I could – I can pinpoint instances that I maybe didn't do right.

I wonder if people are looking down on me or thinking I am cold because I am not 'broken'.

Yes, I have suffered the loss of both parents in an incredibly short space of time -

Should I be in a heap on the floor, inconsolable, in bits?

Should I be the strong person that I appear to be – nonetheless, wanting to repeat myself constantly?

Should I just repeat myself even though I know I am doing it? And should I keep apologising for it?

There seems to be no guidelines for bereavement – we are expected to deal with it 'the best way for ourselves'.

Am I supposed to be comforted by 'at least they are together' comments?

Am I supposed to burst into floods of tears when someone says 'sorry for your loss'?

Is it wrong to feel the best comments are 'I don't know what to say' – because that seems to be the heartfelt truth?

I travelled the journey of end-of-life cancer with my mother – a distressing trip, relieved by death.

Then I watched my father lose his mind completely, also relieved by death.

Why should I feel anything other than relief – not that they are together, but that neither of them are suffering?

If I felt I wanted them still alive, I think it would be a selfish wish – it would not be for them, but for me.

Do I miss my parents?

Every single day.

Do I think about them?

Every single minute.

Do I want them back?

Not at all if suffering was to be their fate.

Do I regret anything?

Of course I do, and I live with guilt that I hope will fade in time.

Do I need the love and understanding of others?

I'd like to think not – but I know that wouldn't be true... I need the love and caring, the understanding is an exclusive club whose members are myself and my two siblings.

I had my parents for 56 years, and for that I am grateful and know I am among the lucky ones.

Grief is handled in many different ways, and the expectation of others is often the yardstick on how grief 'should' be handled – I am not handling it in the expected way, but people should not think it isn't there, because it is, it is all consuming in its own way, but for me it is an inward rather than outward emotion, but really not bottled up. I will suddenly start talking about my parents – both their lives and their deaths – good friends listen and say nothing – that is the best kind of friend.

My parents deserve their lives to be celebrated – we have mourned their deaths, now we try to remember the good times and bring back the wonderful memories they gave us.

Heartless Angel of Death by cazcastalla
Heartless Angel of Death
This is my entry for the Dark Angel Challenge at :iconstewed-tomatoes: at beginner level.

I haven't been around much on DA lately, but this challenge captured my attention and this is dedicated to my mum who was, 3 weeks' ago, diagnosed with cancer of the oesophagus and given 3 months to live.... she will sadly soon be meeting the heartless angel of death.

Required Stock:
Wings from :iconthy-darkest-hour: Winged Perfection - White

Other Stock:
Model from :iconmirish: Black Cat 9 - stock

Skull from :iconwintersmagicstock: Celtic Skull Side View

Scythe from :iconfantasystock: Funerium Weapon: Dragon Scythe by FantasyStock

Cemetery from :iconf-l-o-w-e-r-s: Cemetery 1

Snake from :iconcyborgsuzystock: snake 09: black king

Background from :iconwolfworx: Sunrise_08_wolfworx_IMK77330
Fallen Angel by cazcastalla
Fallen Angel
This is my entry for the ELO Statue challenge at :iconstewed-tomatoes: at beginner level

Required stock:
Angel from :iconarticmoonsky: A7 angel

Other stock:
Black fabric from :icondewfooter: Black Death 4

Background from :iconumbradenoapte-stock: Stock 35

Cemetary from :iconmanichysteriastock: Autumn Cemetary

Fire flames from :icongilgamesh-art-iq: Fire Flames HD PSD AND PNG For Free

Lightning from :iconstock-by-kai: Lightning Original

Just a Little Fracture...

Journal Entry: Fri Sep 27, 2013, 8:19 AM
I know some of my watchers have known about the problems I have had with my wrist/hand since I had a fall 3 months ago... I finally got my entitlement to free healthcare here in Spain, and was referred to the hospital today.

It transpires that I fractured my hand, which has now healed and I now need physiotherapy to get movement back in my wrist - I am assured I will never get it back to full mobility, but to be honest, just getting rid of the pain would help!!!

The consultant was stunned that I have suffered through this with no consultation, treatment or medication - he now thinks I am some kind of super-woman hahaha!

So, that's where we're at right now... Monday morning I have to return to the consultant to be referred for physiotherapy, and I think it will be a long haul from there!!


cazcastalla's Profile Picture
Carol Francis
I am an avid Blogger and Photoshop/Artist wannabe!
You can find my blog at
You can follow me on Twitter: @graphicstuts

Current Residence: Spain
Favourite genre of music: Soul
Operating System: Windows
Favourite cartoon character: Snoopy

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MariaLoikkii Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hello, used your gradients here, on the floor in the picture ;)
Thank's so much!…
KarinClaessonArt Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2015  Professional Digital Artist
Cake FOR Bday by KmyGraphic
WannieWirny Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Happy Birthday to you! I hope you have a nice day with your family
Though I'm not as active on dA anymore, you're still one of my favourite people on here :D
cazcastalla Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2015
Thank you so much... I also am not so active on here these days, life kind of takes over!!!
TheFantaSim Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2015   General Artist

Check out ManipulateThis new challenge, "Tales Of The Fae"! You have 6 weeks to get your entry in,
so don't idle! You can find the info here:…

mshellee Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you for the fav Carol!! :)
AprilLight Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2015
Thank you so much for faves my friend :iconrosablu:
Doucesse Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2015  Professional Digital Artist
Oh my gosh. Thanks a lot for this gift !! :tighthug:
I do not know what to say. You've been very kind, my dear! I appreciate it !! :excited:
cazcastalla Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2015
You're very welcome xx
CathleenTarawhiti Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2014  Professional Photographer
Happy birthday Carol :party: :boogie:
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